city lights

So im no longer a teeeeeen :) it was my 20th birthday on wednesday... and on the tuesday night we ended up in town- first at the dubliner... then kennedy's, then a sneaky mission to Crew Bar in the gaybourhood. Sadly... i don't have any photo's to put up because my camera went missing along with my phone and memory. thank you barman for destroying my mind.

anyway. moving along swiftly...onto something that i'm terribly excited about... I'm moving out in two weeks! I'm gana be living with Toms old housemate leroux in a 2 bedroom flat in Newlands. sooo excited. the house is rad.. but super angular which is weird.. I'll put up some pics when i go and check it out again.

In other news... while i was at the Cape Town Police Station last night reporting my missing stuff.. a little boy of about 3 years old was brought in by these street guys, one of whom was ridiculously drunk and causing an outrageous scene. The kid was brought in because the mother had abandoned him, after telling the guys that she was going to the toilet.. and then just didn't come back. I don't understand how a mother can do that. I don't. this boy was exquisite. huge brown eyes. the softest rich brown skin... the most perfectly formed lips... it broke my heart. what really shocked me though, was the street guy that was holding him. He was a big guy, with very soft features... sad, tired eyes and a smiling mouth. he said his name was Toto. He was so good with that little boy. He showed such love and care for him. something (i must be honest) i wouldn't have expected. he held him like his own and made the woeful little boy laugh when he made funny faces at him.

There really are good people out there. The people you'd often least expect to do good things for others. It breaks my heart that there's so little one can do for them.

good people

Oh! question... so i got creative and strapped my boobs up the day before yest and wore a floral backless top. needless to say... i don't ever wear floral... i hardly wear colour... my closet consists of white, black and grey. true story.

dust on the ground

Hi hi y'all! It has been a while (once again)... hope you're all doing just dandy...

I've been fine i suppose. I'm sort of lacking motivation and consistency... and i don't really know how to get it back... or hot to get excited about things anymore. I went to see a psychologist for 6 weeks when i found out that my gran had been diagnosed with cancer... and the outcome on my 6th session was that she felt i was going through a depressed episode. kif story. i don't wanna be on meds, nor do i wanna go back to rehab or into long term therapy... so i guess i have to work through this on my own. something i'm used to and absolutely fine with... but i know that when i do get into this little zone, i isolate and push everyone anyway. and i don't want to do that. 

i'm kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place... and im hoping that this down feeling just goes away. its frustrating cos i felt like last year was such a good year for me... and it feels like i'm taking 20 steps back. uuugh. its ok i suppose. i just need my control back. i feel like iv lost control of so much... and i want to get it back, (and here comes the psychobabble)... i'm the only one stopping myself from getting back that control.

i also dropped french... so now i'm only doing 2 subjects per semester... which is quite rad and will give me a super chilled year... what else...

I was on the jammie shuttle yesterday... and i was thinking: There are people from high school who are still friends with EXACTLY the same group that they were best fwenz with in high school. Like it doesn't make sense to me...? Isn't the vibe that once you leave high school you change as an individual.. and you progress and grow... but i look at these girls and boys and i'm like "wow, three years down the line and you're still with the same people, dating the same people, drinking at the same places, partying at the same places, wearing the same kinda clothes..." and i'm just like wow. how much have you actually changed since 2009?

I think its kinda sad... I dunno... like i wrote off all the people from high school and all vibes from back then... but people still cling to that? I know iv changed dramatically in the last 3 years. that's a massive given... but wow! How can people be so stagnant? Makes little sense to me.

xx